Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The real reason your printer's not working

This is not in the manual, people. This is real life scenarios. Eventually, we've all got to step out of the classroom and get our hands dirty.

5. The USB cord isn't the right color.
You might not have learned this, but the printer is very fashion conscious. It can tell the difference between the black cord, the grey cord, and the navy blue one. The navy one worked yesterday, you say? Well, swap it out with the grey one today. You can never be seen wearing the same thing two days in a row.

4. There is a Hot Wheel jammed in it.
Look for someone wandering around in footie pajamas, munching on cinamon toast. He and/or she can probably tell you what happened there. But they won't.

3. This is all a dream.
Don't worry. This isn't really happening. It's just printer-induced psychosis that's causing rampant night terrors. Spending too many hours a day battling with tempermental machinery is bound to cause you some internal termoil. The only solution here is to take a day off from trying to get anything done. Really, it's the only way. In the meantime, you're still asleep, so here's a beautiful meadow full of your favorite beautiful movie stars. Go have fun.

2. The printer is experiencing ennui.
The printer is contemplating life, and regretting some choices it made. It didn't want to print mapquest directions, and movie times for the rest of it's life. It wanted to be some kind of data processor on the space shuttle. What kind? I don't know. It just sounds really cool. But it's too late to join the Air Force now, and they wouldn't take him anyway, with all the Hot Wheels dents.
This is a temporary problem. The printer will start funcioning again when shown some of the beautiful copies it has made.

1. @*&$#!!!
Sorry. This one's a head scratcher. Everything's hooked up right. It's got fresh ink. Paper feeds through just fine. Must be a problem on the computer's end. That one is a real piece of work. Maybe it's time for the two of them to try some couple's counseling. Someone needs to work out why they never seem to get along.


sruble said...

Ha! I love this. I'm also having printer problems (probably #1, but I'll have to rule out the others just to be sure).

adrienne said...

Too funny! I love #2...that could be my printer's problem. Usually it's just lack of ink, or me stuffing labels in the wrong way :(

Mary Witzl said...

Love this!

Mine's almost always @*&$#!!!. I bend over backwards to be compassionate and caring, but in the end, it's just an awkward piece of junk. I find giving it a couple of hard whacks and a stern warning is sometimes effective.

Kate said...

A good list! You need our IT specialist from work. She only needs to look at a recalcitrant printer and it starts working immediately.

Lily Cate said...

Now that is a magical power. Forget flying, and invisibility, and starting fires, I want to be able to fix IT problems with my mind.